the other night me and dave and james and sean came into some ketamine. i recall now why i loved it so much in my youth. instinct and logic become turned inside out to make one behave like a purposeful madman sucked into the grips of a state where emotions are only distant symbols on the mental level but exist in agitated overblown superpowered emotion in the realm of the instincts. We tried to walk under a bridge on the railroad track and it took us about 15 minutes to stumble out a hundred yards. i thought i heard dave say a cop car was coming so i did a commando roll off the elevated track onto large pointy stones. I have an enormous vicious looking wound on my hip.
i worked 9 hours today. my job consists of cleaning up after the litter and bodily fluids of misshapen city dwellers. They walk around half naked, their language is mutilated and simplified and they always yell when they speak. they call to each other like giant beached seals. I was picking trash on the side of the road and i found the complete head and neck of a seagull and nothing else of it. today i had a cashier position, selling locker keys in a little booth and they came to me in droves of disease and horror, all with gaping mouths and greedy eyes. i feel kind of damaged now. all day i was forced into a shallow, forward state of mind.. of keeping a quick pace, tallying money in my head because there is no cash register, remembering key numbers, checking them on and off a big board on the wall, withstanding constant social contact and the advances of anti cultural zombie men. i dunno. i guess i lost the framework of what i was because of living poor and working all the time and always being tired and being struck with certain truths and doing chemical drugs in bad situations and the loss of my friends and my home. I feel like an unformed figure that only stays together by the force of movement towards the future.
