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before i forget: i had a dream the other night, some great traveling was going on, i ascended a staircase into a cabin that i felt was completely my own. i got into a bed and slept and when i woke up i looked out the window to see that a flood had come and frozen around the house. No water had come in, but i looked and wondered at all the broken reeds i saw coming out of the ice. I felt I had to leave, i went down the stairs and entered into an ancestral house. Both sets of my Grandparents were there even though some are dead. I realized that i had to pee and went into a bathroom in a garage entryway that led into the kitchen. I didn't think to shut the door all the way, and i wondered if i should have but no one seemed to notice my presence. I saw my paternal Grandafather, still young with blonde hair but i only saw him from behind walking off to tend to his sick wife. I stood in the kitchen feeling unsure of what to do, and thought that i should leave. I walked into the living room where my paternal Grandmother was laying on a couch sick. I have a distant feeling towards her, i never knew her except for being afraid of her for her coldness and her illness. Even as a four year old i remember feeling glad when she died but also guilty for feeling that way. She was the daughter of the man who punched a man to death in a navy boxing match, and she was an alcoholic with temper problems. I approached her because i knew she was dying or rather dead. She said "go away" as if she didn't recognize who i was. I said"Grandma I only came to tell you goodbye because I am leaving." She bent her head backward over the arm of the couch and hissed "Goodbye" and it seemed like the first communtion she ever made to me directly. I walked towards the door where I saw my maternal Grandpa who I am very attached to because he had a large part in raising me when i was very young. I hugged him for a long time and felt sad because i knew sometime soon he would die. I heard my Grandma's voice coming from up the stairs and i felt ultimately comforted because i knew thatof all of them she was somehow eternal.
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